And that's the way the cookie crumbles.

13. Follow a recipe.

Thom’s favourite cake is Victoria Sponge. On one of my many whims, I decided to bake him a beautiful cake that he’d gobble up, and turn into a pile of loved up, cake filled happy mush.

I did this a while back, and we all know according to Sod’s law; whenever you try and make or do something for an important occasion or for somebody, it is most likely to turn out horribly. I’m no domestic goddess, but a good ninety percent of the time I make delectable treats that any 1950’s housewife would be proud of...turns out the one I actually had expectations pinned on turned out in a way I can only describe as ‘Cake Napalm.’

I used a Nigella recipe, and I have some SERIOUS beef with Nigella. I’m pretty sure she uses the whole spoon-licking, food pornography, sneakily-leaning-into-the-camera-facade as a cover up that none of her dishes work! This is the third time something like this has happened with a Nigella recipe. I once spent three hours making THE WORST muffins in history. The muffin man himself would be rolling around in his grave.
 ..But against my better judgement I thought I’d give it a go, plus all the other baking books had been taken, so ‘how to be a domestic goddess’ fell into my lap. As ever, quite the opposite happened.

The recipe;
Pre-heat your oven to 180 degrees (or 160 degrees for a fan oven)

INGREDIENTS

6 oz or 170g plain flour

6 oz or 170g soft unsalted butter (but you can use salted if thats all you have – it just alters the taste a little)

6 oz 170g sugar

3 large eggs – if you only have medium eggs just add a little more milk

2tbsps (ish) milk.

1.5 teaspoons baking powder

1 teaspoon vanilla extract (not essence)

Place all ingredients into processor. Blend until combined, adding enough milk to give the mixture dropping consistency.

Put in oven for 25 minutes. If you are not sure if it is cooked put in a skewer (or knife if you don’t have one). If it comes out clean (ie without sticky cake mixture on it) it is done.

And this is how it all went wrong.

Everything was going swimmingly;
Popped it in the oven, waited for 25 minutes.
...Not cooked.
...Five more minutes. Not cooked.

THE CAKE WAS BAKING FOR 45 MINUTES!

Still it hadn’t burnt, which I found even more amazing, but afraid of the prospect of a dry cake, I took it out-this is where I discovered quite the opposite had happened. The middle of both cakes were completely smushy and uncooked. I didn’t have enough ingredients or enough motivation to make another cake, and I’d already promised Thom a beautiful sponge which he was looking forward to. And thus, the cake massacre began.

Spending an hour carving little squares of cake out of the cooked remains I managed to salvage it. I’d like to put the emphasis on the word ‘rustic.’ I hereby name it- ‘Disaster a la Raspberry.’

I tried everything and in my baker’s power to make them look pretty. Hallucinating from eating too much icing, in denial I kept on sprinkling the icing sugar thinking ‘Thom won’t notice, its the thought that counts!’

After a lovely walk, we stopped to have cake and tea. I’d tried everything up to this point to persuade Thom he didn’t want the cake really, and to approach it with low expectations. He claims to have ‘enjoyed it’. But then again, he’s an actor- my guess is, he was probably violently sick in some shrubbery before we returned to the car. Ah well. Shan’t be donning my oven mitts again for a while.

Making lists is strangely enjoyable.

Consumer.

‘Record everything you eat/use during one whole day’
I’ve grouped some things together, and the cost I’ve put down is rounded off (just for easy-ness) and instead of saying how much something is over a period of time (ie/ computer £1 a day because I’ve had it for a year etc) I’ve just said the buying cost approximately of everything.

This is everything (I think!) I’ve used in a day.
 2 squeezes of toothpaste-£2
toothbrush-£2
shower-£500 I'm talking about the showerhead, plumbing, everything that enables me TO shower.
soap-£3
2 handfuls shampoo-£4
1 handful conditioner-£5
towel-£10
makeup (I’ll count this as one thing or we’ll be here FOREVER) £50
hairdryer-£40
hairbrush-£3
straighteners-£60
underwear-£20
clothes for the day-£60
shoes- £20
toilet- how much is a toilet? £300
computer-£300
phone-£150
television-£600
books-£30
notepad-£4
pens/pencils- £2
food for the day-£12
-cornflakes- £2
-milk-£1
-3 glasses of water
-apple-50p
-handful of almonds-£1
-1 chicken breast-£3
-1 pepper-50p
-rice-£1
-handful of pineapple-£1
-2 cans of diet Pepsi-£2
oven-£600
kettle-£30
guitar-£80
radio-£20
iPod-£80
pyjamas-£20
bed-£350
lamp-£30
30-40 litres of water
Electric + heating

THATS ABOUT £3,419! Ahhh!

I’ve highlighted only the things I think are ‘essentials’ for me, but we’re all well aware of how many people don’t have these bare essentials, that I really can't imagine living without.
I’d just like to say that ActionAid do some amazing work, and our family have sponsored two children for over two years now. A lot of people say;  ‘It’s pointless, you won’t change the world by helping one child’ I know, but I’d happily give up a can of Pepsi every day so the children we sponsor and their families can have a better life. I know if I was in that situation I’d want someone to do the same to us too. You can sponsor as little as £15 or as much as you like per month. You also get to send letters, and you recieve some beautiful drawings and letters from the children. And every year they organise visits, so if you want to visit your sponsored child you can. We're in the process of sorting this to visit my little girl (Fahmaha) ASAP! :) http://www.actionaid.org.uk/ for more details :)

Task two half complete! Achievement unlocked!... sort of.

9. Bookshelf.
The next installment in the quest to complete this booklet.

‘Arrange some of your favourite books on a shelf and draw the results. Explain why you chose the books you did, and what they say about you.’

I chose these books;
-Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen.
-Anne Frank’s Diary, Anne Frank.
-Les Miserables, Victor Hugo
-Beauty, Robin McKinley

I suppose the reason I’ve chosen the books I’ve had is because they hold memories, they're the most influential, or the hardest books to read- but they’ve left some kind of lasting impression or influence on me. The gift of being a writer and being able to reach out to so many people is beautiful! All of these books have taught me lessons about people,  or just kept me company. I can read these books so many times and not stop. I really wish I could include books like ‘Looking for Alaska’ by John Green, A Clockwork Orange- but this is what happens when you’re let loose on the college library, you tend to *forget* to buy books.
 Pride and Prejudice is what I’d like to call ‘Mine and my Mum’s book’ I remember reading it age 13 and just being so swept away with the wit and the modernist view of Austen, not only Lizzie Bennet- but Jane Austen too became teenage heroines for me. Plus just about every woman on the planet has swooned over Darcy over some point in their lifetimes, setting those unrealistic standards that poor men don’t know originate from (this is probably it).
 Anne Frank’s Diary is something I would recommend for all teenagers to read, especially girls. Despite the vast difference of our situations, she writes so honestly about love, family troubles and hardships and words it so well, which is one of the reasons I believe it’s so popular- it’s so relatable. Also, it’s a firsthand account of one of the major flaws of humans, Anne Frank is so human and real- it really makes you wonder how the Nazi party were able to dehumanise people and eliminate them routinely. Both sickening and astounding I think.
Les Miserables, aside from being a wonderful novel- this copy is just beautiful. Bought this in Burn’s book store in Galway (a rickety old place, with floors that look like they’re on the verge of collapse and those little ladders on the shelves that I longed to swing on like Belle from Beauty and the Beast) It’s got the best old book smell in the world, and just pulling it from the shelf takes me back to Ireland.
Beauty was chosen because it was one of the first proper ‘novels’ I read as a child. Know I’ve always felt like a bit of an oddball, it was tough being a clever 11 year old with curly hair, buckteeth (hooray for braces) and freckles. I remember being on the very tender age with a sister seven years older than myself, who was astoundingly lovely in my eyes. This novel completely flips Beauty and the Beast on its head, making Beauty clumsy, snappy and not particularly beautiful- but as she self-sacrifices herself for her family to live with the Beast, he brings out her inner beauty and she his. Beauty and the Beast were (still is!) my favourite Disney film and this was just a sweet retelling for a young adolescent. I LOVED THIS BOOK!
Now I’ve written about it, I’m off to go and create some artwork. I’ll post pictures later.
IN OTHER NEWS! The sun's shining, I have smudgy red lipstick and I'm dancing around in my pants.
Happy days! :) xxx

Our love is like the wind... I can't see it, but I can feel it.:

Our love is like the wind... I can't see it, but I can feel it.: Love this lad. Expect some very funny rants off him. <3 Jordy.

Perfume Ads Stink.

I hate perfume adverts.
Let’s get one thing straight: it doesn’t matter what scented ambergris you slap on, you will never look like you belong in a perfume advert.
How am I supposed to know what a perfume smells like from the ‘artistically’ driven mini films we are shown? They are so unbelievably cliché they hurt, and require army skills to try and decode what’s going on. Depending on the gender you’ll get one of two scenarios.

- If it’s for a lady, they’ll be some half naked model writhing in flowers or fruit.

- If it’s for a male, they’ll be two half naked models writhing all over each other.

 It just makes no sense! Take for instance-  Dolche and Gabanna- light blue. Advert- topless male, all shiny with scantily clad lady in a boat in the sun. I’m really sorry, but all I can think of is ‘Eau de sweat a la driftwood.’
Or the Jean Paul Gaultier advert, when a sailor leaves a woman in bed presumably after a night of passion, she sniffs the pillow- I’m presuming she’s inhaling his scent as a sweet memory. No, no, no.
I’ve had experience in this area, and men DO NOT SMELL PRETTY IN THE MORNING. After years of climbing into bed as a child for morning cuddles with my Dad, a mixture of morning breath, sweat and any belchy remainders is what I remember from the male in my life.

 I’m so confused.
Just show me the pretty bottle, tell me what it smells like. Nuff said.

And in the beginning, Sophie made a blog. Then edited it six times.

Right. Okay. First things first.

I feel like I owe the internet some kind of explanation for blogging. I’ve always enjoyed other people’s blogs, but the very idea of doing it myself always seemed a bit weird. I mean, it just feels a bit obnoxious. I really don't expect the internet to enjoy what I'm spewing out.
The very reason I am doing this is because I procrastinate. Brilliantly. And like everyone else, its always on the really important things which should be done first- in this case, a summer project. In all fairness, I did give Sarah and Jan (the two wonderful teachers of Art at my sixth form, more so wonderful because they’ve put up with me for a year) plenty of warning that the booklet '20 things to do over the summer’ would not get touched, although they seemed convinced it was banter, though I ASSURED them it would get shoved under the bed and forgotten about over the summer, collecting dust.
Now the lingering guilt of the effort they put in to teach me has caught up with me and I’m rushing over the last four days of summer holiday to do everything in this tiny-bane-of-my-life-booklet. And this is the very last one- ‘create your own blog’. I can see Jan and Sarah frowning disapprovingly saying ‘well, you should have done it sooner...’ I KNOW. I know.. So voila. Bloggy-woggy here I come! Grrrr. This is what good teachers do to you. Hooray for the first blog!
Next task- collect some yucky pondwater in a Nutella jar.
(I TOLD YOU I’D GET SOMETHING DONE)
:) xxx